Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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