We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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