two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
