I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize