when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
