At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
