how can u be prego again
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
