we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
