Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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