Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
