anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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