just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize