Is it normal to miss your booty call?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
