No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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