You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
