she woke up with a sticky ear
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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