Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have fence marks all over my body
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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