Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Randomize
