When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
