Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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