I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
