Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
