No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
