Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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