i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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