I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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