I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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