How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This is the high leading the old right now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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