his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
