Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
