I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
50% drunk capacity currently
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
