Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
