I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
