who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
