just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you inspire me to be a worse person
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My breasts were aching with rage.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
