she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
