ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize