You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
