Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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