Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
