This house was built for laser tag.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
