I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
