no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
40s are totally the cure
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
