apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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