Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
