i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
