This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize