Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
