Dual....:-)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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