I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
