Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
