i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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