you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
