yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
