i think my mom watched the whole time
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
