Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize