please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
