Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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