Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
