just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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