I think im going to throw up on grandma
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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