The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
