i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
