He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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