he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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