I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
