im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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