everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
