so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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