I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
