So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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