I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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