New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
