everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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