the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
