The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
