Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
