Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
