Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
did i just pee glitter
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
