he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
